


Short Fuse

by Draycevixen



Series: Short Fuse [1]
Category: The Professionals
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Humour, M/M, Size Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-07
Updated: 2011-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-19 03:04:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycevixen/pseuds/Draycevixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doyle's assets are questioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Short Fuse

.

 

“ _BODIE!_ ”

“You bellowed?”

“Let me in, _now!_ ”

“Actually, I was just—”

“ _NOW_ Bodie.”

“All right. Come up.”

 

“You arsehole, you—”

“And hello to you too. Always a pleasure to see you Doyle. D’you mind if I get myself a beer while you yell at me, it’s been a long day… So what am I supposed to have done now?”

“I had a date for tonight with that new secretary, Dora—”

“The one that's been staring at you with _take me big boy_ eyes for a couple of weeks?”

“That’s the one. This morning she rings me and says she’s changed her mind, people who work together, blah, blah, blah.”

“Well she’s got a point.”

“Then I bumped into her an hour later and she wouldn’t even look at me.”

“That so?”

“And it was obvious she was trying hard not to laugh at me.”

“...Women can be so unpredictable.”

“Unlike you, you’re all too bloody predictable.”

“Now Ray I—”

“Shut it. So it kept happening all day. I’d pass one of the girls and she’d smirk and avoid eye contact. At one point I passed two of them together in the corridor and they burst out laughing.”

“Who can understand the mystery that is womankind?”

“I’m one step away from rearranging your face mate so—”

“I’ll stop interrupting.”

“Then the squad stopped talking the moment I walked in. Until the smart arse remarks started.”

“About what?”

“Socks.”

“Socks?”

“Socks, Bodie. They were talking about socks, asking me if I liked to play with sock puppets. Anson asked if I’d taken advantage of the Marks & Sparks sale to _increase_ my wardrobe. Murphy asked whether I liked to roll them or fold them to fit them in my drawers. And all the time they were laughing their arses off like they were Dave bloody Allen.”

“Ah...”

“Where d’you think you’re going?”

“…To get another beer?”

“Stay right there. I finally cornered Murphy, who told me that Dora has it on _good authority_ that I’m _lacking in the trouser department._ That in fact I _stuff my crotch with socks._ ”

“Where would she get an idea like that?”

“Apparently from a _very reliable source_.”

“Who would—”

“How are you feeling _old reliable_?”

“So Murphy—”

“Took great pleasure in grassing you up.”

“I’ll get even, I’ll—”

“Right now Murphy is the least of your worries. Before I kill you with my bare hands I want to know why. Why d’you do it?”

“Owed you one for Debbie.”

“...The best man won. Debbie just succumbed to my native charms, I never stooped to telling her you stuffed your crotch.”

“You don’t even think it was a little bit funny? Why so angry Ray? I fear you doth protest too much... What’s the problem, are you really padding your assets?”

“You bastard! _Here!_ ”

“Ray... Why exactly are you clutching my hand to your crotch?”

“To prove a point.”

“Well that’s certainly a _point_.”

“Christ! Why are you squeezing?”

“Double checking there’s not a sock in there somewhere.”

“ _That_ is not a sock.”

“No, not unless it’s a windsock.”

“Why are you kneeling?”

“I think this calls for a closer inspection, an eyewitness account—"

“Careful with that zipper!”

“—to disprove the rumours, I need hard _proof_. Bloody hell, how d’you get enough blood into this thing without passing out?”

“Hard enough for you?”

“Certainly appears to be. Now I’ll just have to see how it stands up under rigorous test conditions. Come here.”

 

.


End file.
